Valerie Allen Counseling Helpful Links and Resources

After the Affair by Janis A. Spring, PhD — a compassionate guide for couples navigating the painful aftermath of infidelity, offering practical insight into rebuilding trust, processing difficult emotions, and deciding how to move forward.

Although this book was written more than 30 years ago, it is the Gold Standard for affair recovery.  I like it because it speaks to both the hurt partner and the unfaithful partner with honesty and compassion.

Not “Just Friends” by Shirley P. Glass, PhD — explores how friendships can gradually cross relationship boundaries and lead to betrayal, while offering guidance to help couples understand what happened, rebuild trust, and work toward healing.

This is a close second behind After the Affair. I especially like how Shirley Glass uses the metaphor of “walls and windows” to explain how a marriage (and a person) becomes susceptible to an affair.

How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair by Linda J. MacDonald — a practical guide for the partner who was unfaithful, offering clear steps for taking responsibility, responding to a partner’s pain, and helping create the safety and trust needed for healing.

I forewarn my clients who have been unfaithful that this is not a warm and fuzzy book for them.  But it is direct, easy to read, and gives straightforward directions for how to fix the mistakes you have made.  I add that there is a hint of Christianity in the book, which is great for some people, and for those that do not resonate with that, it is slight enough that it can be overlooked.

How Can I Forgive You? by Janis A. Spring, PhD — explores what forgiveness can look like after a painful betrayal, helping readers understand that healing does not always require simply “forgiving and forgetting.” It offers a thoughtful path toward acceptance, accountability, and emotional recovery.

This is another excellent book by Janis Abrahms Spring.  It is not only about forgiveness for infidelity, but her explanation of “Genuine Forgiveness” is necessary reading for all couples trying to heal from an affair.

Healing from Infidelity by Michele Weiner-Davis — offers practical guidance for couples who want to heal after an affair, with a focus on navigating intense emotions, rebuilding trust, and taking meaningful steps toward repairing the relationship.

Michele Weiner-Davis is another important voice in the field of infidelity recovery experts.  It’s a valuable resource for both the betrayed spouse and the unfaithful spouse because it offers an overall view of the recovery process.

The State of Affairs by Esther Perel — takes a thoughtful look at the complexities of infidelity, exploring why affairs happen and what they can reveal about relationships, identity, and desire. It offers perspective for those seeking to better understand betrayal and what may come next.

I consider Esther Perel to be the most “liberal” voice in the field of affair recovery.  Her book State of Affairs takes a more “philosophical” view of infidelity as she explores the meaning behind unfaithful behavior.  I don’t usually recommend this book for newly betrayed partners who aren’t ready to explore infidelity from an objective perspective.